Every Darkwing Duck entrance metaphor, ever.

I am the terror that flaps in the night,…

I am the batteries that are not included…

I am the wrong number that wakes you at 3am…

I am the fingernail that scrapes the blackboard of your soul…

I am a special news bulletin that interrupts your favorite show…

I am… obviously out of my trademark blue smoke.

I am the termite that devours your floorboards…

I am the surprise in your cereal box…

I am the headache in the criminal mind…

I am the raspberry seed you can’t floss out…

I am the onion that stings in your eye…

I am the scourge that pecks at your nightmares…

I am the hairball that clogs your drains…

I am the low ratings that cancel your program…

I am the auditor that wants to look at your books…

I am the slug that slimes your begonias…

I am the bubble gum that sticks in your hair…

I am the itch you cannot reach…

I am the smoke that smokes smoked oysters…

I am the jailer who throws away the key…

I am the ten dollar service charge on all returned checks…

I am the sand trap on the fairway of evil…

I am the sourball in the candy jar of goodness…

I am the grade curve that gives you an F…

I am the fast food that comes back to haunt you…

I am the neurosis that requires a $500 an hour shrink…

I am the weirdo that sits next to you on the bus…

I am the bug that splatters on your windshield…

I am the spider who naps at your neck…

I am the combination lock on the vaults of justice…

I am the icky bug that crawls up your trouser leg…

I am the pin that will burst your bubble…

I am the bubble gum that clings to your shoe…

I am the repairman who tells you your warranty has run out…

I am the cat that lays kittens in your bed…

I am the switch that derails your train…

I am the paper cut that ruins your morning…

I am… feeling really stupid. Boy, I hate it when I’m early. You’d think criminal masterminds would be more punctual.

I am the weed whacker in the garden of evil…

I am the moth that seeks your porchlight…

I am the lollipop that sticks in your hair…

I am the rhinestone on the jumpsuit of justice…

I am the flea you cannot flick…

I am the stain that CAN’T be rubbed out…

I am the peanut butter that sticks to the roof of your mouth…

I am the cholesterol that clogs your arteries…

I am the single career man all women want to date…

I am the check writer in the Cash Only line…

I am the zit that forms when you’ve got a really big date…

I am the secret center of a cherry candy-pop…

I am the electrician who short-circuits the power lines of crime…

I am the parking meter that expires while you shop…

I am the pit bull that bites the ankle of crime…

I am the schnauzer that digs up your petunias…

I am the soap scum that limes your bathtub…

I am the hair ball that clogs your drain…

I am the shopping cart that mixes your paint job…

I am the eraser that rubs out the typos of crime…

I am the terrier that nips at your shoelaces…

I am the blown fuse that blacks you out…

I am the butter that burns in your pan…

I am the itch in your trigger finger…

I am the cold sore that stings your lip…

I am the hair in the lens of your projector…

I am the scourge that… pecks at your… well your nightmares…

I am the pustulent blister that bursts in your boot…

I am the metal key on the sardine can of justice…

I am the widget missing from the easy-to-assemble swing set

I am the editor that cuts your scene…

I am the burnt-out bulb you cannot reach…

I am the spinach that sticks to your teeth…

I am the cat that somebody let out of the bag…

I am the cotton swab that gets stuck in your ear…

I am the plot twist in the second reel…

I am the flea on your parrot…

I am the heimlich maneuver for the choking victims of crime…

I am the ghost of a chance that you don’t have…

I am the muddy shoes that track the linoleum of crime…

I am the yo-yo that keeps coming back…

I am the ingrown toenail on the foot of crime…

I am the top root that clogs your pipes…

I am the editor that leaves you on the cutting room floor…

I am the check that overdraws your account…

I am the low point on your signwave…

I am the limestone that petrifies your bones…

I am the awkward goodbye that lasts for far too long…

 

I am Darkwing Duck!!!