I'm searching,searching for what I really want in life and I have no idea what that is

I’m searching,searching for what I really want in life and you know what  I have absolutely no idea what that is but I’m going to figure it out. I have to. I spent this whole weekend thinking about and realizing that after my break up with Alicia everything I’ve done has been a cry for help.  The lack of sleep, ignoring friends, not going out,wanting to sleep all day, banging all those nannies letting my beard grow out larger and thicker than bin laden’s  letting my hair grow out all big and crazy looking like a wannabe teen wolf, and never wanting to be home always staying with someone.Today Is my bday and I’m not feeling it. I’m turning 30 I don’t feel old or anything like that I’m not having midlife crises or anything like that I’m just not excited about my bday like I have been in the past.

Lost and Confused Signpost

I always thought things would be the same and that things would never change but people change and things change and recently I’ve learned that anything can happen. Recently one of my best friends Krabappel moved 8 hours away and earlier this year I finally ended up hooking up with the girl who I though was the one for me the one who I wanted to get with for the longest time  “Alicia”. I became friends with people I would never be friends with I’ve done things I’ve never done before and I stopped doing things I always did. I don’t get drunk as much I don’t play video games that much anymore and I proofread now can you believe that? Well I try to.

Have I grown up yes I have and I’m at the point where I’m just doing whatever I want with whoever I want when ever I want. Much to everyone’s disappointment I won’t get into anymore threesome’s or anything like that at least not anytime soon what I mean is I will just focus on me and not care about anyone else. I will focus on my health and my job and that’s it.  For a long time I was making a fool of myself missing someone and wanting desperately to regain a lost friendship.

Not long ago I would spend 3 days in a row at Krabappel’s house just blogging away watching movies and wanting to be alone depressed and shit all sad over missing a certain someone. I just wanted to be around friends to help me get over the BS stuck in my head. Eventually I got over it and realized I was not the one who let go so why should I try so hard to hold on.  No one knew how I felt at the time not even Krabappel she helped me out a lot and she didn’t even know.

A Lot of what I’m writing about won’t make sense unless you have read my post about Alicia and Krabappel but just bear with my rambling. Now I recently learned not to take anything for granted shit can be the same for a while and then shit can change in a second. I’ve learned to be there for those who have been there for me and help them with anything no matter if it’s a shoulder to cry on or listen to them bitch about how the miss their man or how they cry when they see a certain movie fuck it be there for those who have put up with  your bitching and crying because they cared to listen and try to help you.

 

bigo's blog © 2017
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