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Tag: men

I’d love to be six again !

A man asked his wife what she’d like for her 40th birthday. “I’d love to be six again,” she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, and the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonald’s they went, where her husband ordered her a Happy Meal along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.

Then, it was off to a movie – the latest Disney and what a fabulous adventure! Finally, she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, “Well, dear, what was it like being six again?” One eye opened. “You idiot, I meant my dress size.” The moral of this story is: When a woman speaks and a man is actually listening, he will still get it wrong.

Updated: March 7, 2017 — 12:52 PM

To All Women On Behalf Men I Would Like To Clarify A Few Points

  • The floor is considered an acceptable clothing storage location.    

 

  • Never ask me to purchase feminine products. Assume that I will come home with the wrong thing.    

 

  • When watching TV hugging is always fine because I can still see the screen. Kissing should only be done during timeouts and commercials. Questions should also be limited to this period as you stand a much better chance of getting an immediate response.    

 

  • When we are watching your show and I change the channels during a commercial do not hassle me that they are over to change the channel back. I always know when the timing is right. Also, when we are channel surfing do not ask me to go back, there was a good reason why I skipped it.    

 

  • If you need help with the laundry, I am more than willing to carry it from the bedroom to the washer. In my mind this is half the chore and I am now free to return to the couch.  

 

  • If I mention that a male friend of mine is allowed to do something it is not necessary for you to call his wife/girlfriend to discuss it.    

 

  • If you don’t like the way I am driving close your eyes. And I would appreciate it if you would refrain from making that reverse inhaling alarmed noise. I haven’t hit anything yet and if I do it will be your fault.   

 

  • I go clothes shopping to buy, never to look.    

 

  • Just tell me what you want me to wear before I get dressed. And remember that this takes me less than ten minutes no matter what the occasion is. After all I am getting dressed, not getting ready.    

 

  • Don’t ask me if I prefer one outfit over another or if a certain accessory should be worn or not. I consider this a no win situation and would rather just wait for you to get dressed while watching TV.     

 

  • If you want me to put the seat down when I am finished then you should leave the seat up when you are finished. It’s only fair. And stop giving me a hard time about missing the bowl. What do you expect from an organ that has a brain of its own.
  • I will cook anything as long as it is on the BBQ.    

 

  • Yelling to me across the house sounds exactly like stadium crowd background noise to me. I am not ignoring you. 

 

Thank you for your understanding, From all men.

Updated: March 25, 2016 — 10:59 AM

Things Ladies Need to Realize About Men.

We guys don’t care if you talk to other guys. We don’t care if you’re friends with other guys. But when you’re sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him, without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off. It doesn’t help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we’re still there.

We don’t care if a guy calls>OR TEXTS< you, but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned. There are very few things that are important at 2 a.m. Also, when we tell you you’re pretty/ beautiful/ gorgeous/cute/ stunning, we freaking mean it. Don’t tell us we’re wrong. We’ll stop trying to convince you. The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence. Yeah, you can quote me. Don’t be mad when we hold the door open.

Take Advantage of the mood I’m in. Let us pay for you! don’t ‘feel bad’ We enjoy doing it. It’s expected. Smile and say ‘thank you. Kiss us when no one’s watching. If you kiss us when you know somebody’s looking, we’ll be more impressed. You don’t have to get dressed up for us. If we’re going out with you in the first place, you don’t have to feel the need to wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own. We like you for who you are and not what you are.

Honestly, i think a girl looks more beautiful when she’s just in her pj’s. or my t shirt and boxers, not all dolled up. Don’t take everything we say seriously. Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it. Don’t get angry easily. Stop using magazines/media as your bible. Don’t talk about how hot Chris Brown, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney is in front of us. It’s boring, and we don’t care. You have girlfriends for that.

Whatever happened to the word ‘handsome’/ ‘beautiful’ i’d be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me with ‘Hey handsome!’ instead of ‘Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/ sexy’ or whatever else you can think of. On the other hand I’m not saying i wouldn’t like it ether Girls, I cannot stress this enough: if you aren’t being treated right by a guy, don’t wait for him to change!!!!! Ditch his sorry ass, disgrace to the male population and find someone who will treat you with utter respect Someone who will honor your morals.

Someone who will make you smile when you’re at your lowest. Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes. Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel. Someone who will stop what they’re doing just to look you in the eyes….and say ‘i love you’ ..and actually mean it.

Updated: March 24, 2016 — 9:07 PM
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